What Did You Want To Be Growing Up?

I connected with someone at my company yesterday as part of a peer networking program that we’re trying in 2024. I found it fun and refreshing to have a conversation with someone in my company world but has a very different remit. We connected on a few things: coaching, team building, values are a few. At the end, he asked an interesting question which was, “when you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?” 

I recently read a book that argues against asking this question to kids since it sets expectations and boxes them in. I love that. But as an adult, I also enjoy thinking back on the question. 

I wanted to play professional hockey. When I was 5, I went to my first NHL game. Not in Boston but in Hartford, CT where the Whalers played.  They happened to be playing the Bruins that day. My dad took me, and he knew someone who worked for the Whalers so we got to go to the locker room for autographs. That was my intro to the NHL. From there, I played the sport for about 20 years. I loved playing street hockey and mini hockey in the basement as a kid. Then when I became a teenager, I started to put more serious time in with coaches one on one. In high school it helped me build discipline that serves me today. 

The NHL dream never faded but of course was less and less a reality over time in high school. I learned about division III athletics from a family friend. I was very interested in being able to play competitively but also pursuing academics and having more of a social experience.

That’s what I got to do at Skidmore College. I couldn’t have been happier with that decision. As the academic pursuit led me to what I do today for work.  

The NHL dream lives on. I gave up hockey for 10 years after college for a few reasons but one had to do with the dream never becoming a reality. It hurt a bit for sure. I started playing again and am loving it. Just needed a little time away after it being such an important part of my life for 10 years. 

I think the value of this question in part lies in how you are applying that dream of what you wanted to be to your life today. Is it that you do the activity tied to that professional to still scratch the itch? Do you exhibit qualities and characteristics needed for that profession somewhere else in life? Are you fully at peace with that professional dream fading and don’t care at all? That is okay too.  

Leveling Up Weekly & Daily Prioritization

The biggest mistake I see people make in the first 3-6 yrs of their career is not getting good at weekly/daily prioritization that supports their team/business. I needed to improve at this myself at various times of my career. It became hard to make time to truly prioritize work. The truth is you have more autonomy over what you decide to do than you think. It starts with organizing your weeks in a way that works. As you organize, share bits and pieces of that organization with your manager and team. Make your personal weekly planning trickle into updates so you are putting it into action. There’s research that telling someone you are going to do something increases the odds you will do it – you become more accountable to doing it. Here’s a few other habits to build for good weekly/daily planning: 

  • Make time every Monday morning to plan your week.
  • Make big rocks and put tasks under the big rocks. Big rocks should be things that tie to the team’s strategy. 
  • Do not share laundry lists with your manager. You aren’t doing anything to make things easy on them. They probably want to know about all these things but you need to present in a more organized fashion. 
  • Always remember it is okay to roll tasks over into the next day. 

Thankfully, I have learned the lesson of owning my priorities and calendar and hoping to help others get there too. When you find what works for you, you will feel the right amount of control and autonomy you want with spontaneity mixed in. 

Levels of Complexity

Progressing in your career to higher level roles often means the levels of complexity that you are dealing with increase. I’ve found the best product and marketing leaders are the most effective because they’re handling their levels of complexity in ways that produce value to their organization. You will know someone handles levels of complexity well from working directly with them and seeing it yourself or hearing from others how good that person is at breaking down a complex problem or opportunity in a compelling way and influencing people to solve it. 

Individual Contributors Remit:

  • Weekly Tasks 
  • Manager Communication
  • 1-3 Stakeholders 

Leader’s Remit:  

  • Direct Team & Cross-Functional Team 
  • Stakeholders and Peers 
  • Multi Year Strategy & Quarterly Execution 

The contrast in these two remits shows the added complexity a leader takes on. Each bullet requires leading & managing more people. The strategy is critical to nail down and get support on, then the execution needs to be done by others and you need to find effective ways to check in and add feedback. You will also need to pick the places where you get your hands dirty which has to be chosen wisely. 

When my remit started to get broader, I was pretty bad at managing layers of complexity. I was able to lean on my expertise in my domain which helped but I had to learn a lot of important lessons and still am regarding management, relationships, and strategy. Here’s a few:

  • You can’t do all the execution anymore. Practice delegating and specifically asking for things. It’s okay to be really prescriptive and let people give you feedback to pull back. 
  • Ask really thoughtful questions to get better answers.  
  • Set up a mechanism for weekly project updates that are used in weekly discussions to highlight progress and blockers. Makes convos more fluid. 
  • Set up 1:1s with key people and have 1:1 docs to riff on ideas during the call…it is good to put the notes in a place both people can read them. 
  • Have a robust weekly/daily planning process for yourself. Allow room for flexibility but stick to getting the high leverage stuff done each week. 
  • Prioritize high leverage tasks in a week such as strategy document, project document or test spec. 
  • Don’t be all business all the time. At the end of the day, it’s about the relationships and skills you’re developing that is important.
  • Make time to innovate and think.

I remember early in my career working on a client project that was going off the rails a bit in terms of many deliverables on deck and there was a bit of chaos brewing. The client lead came into the room where myself and a team member were trying to talk out what’s going on. The leader diffused the problem and simplified the actions with command. That’s a micro moment but great example of a leader handling levels of complexity well (multiple team members, multiple deliverables, and the clients success and happiness). 

What have you found to be helpful in managing levels of complexity in effective ways that add value?

Today’s Priority

My son is 3 years old today. I remembered last year feeling very happy and excited to celebrate his 2nd birthday. I love the prep that goes into it. Wrapping gifts, picking up food, making dessert, setting up, etc. Then the day is pure presence and fun. I realized last year it was the similar feelings of anticipation and excitement I had when my birthday rolled around as a kid. This is a perfect example of seeing and feeling the world through your kids as a parent which happens daily.

Knowing this was something I enjoyed a lot last year, I made it a priority today even though it’s Tuesday. I worked till about 11AM and stopped. It will be there tomorrow. I went to surprise Jake at his school as a mystery reader and then helped set up our yard to have a few friends over later. We will have sushi at night because it’s Jake’s favorite.

Hoping I can take my kids’ birthdays mostly off from work until they’re off doing something they don’t want me at.

Finding Sparks

Where and how do we find sparks? Sparks are interests, activities, passions, and people that you find in life where when you find them you truly love doing them or spending time with them. Time goes away and you are in pure flow and joy. Sometimes sparks fade or stay going a long time.

I have 2 kids that are one and three, so I think about finding sparks for them a lot. At this age, it’s pretty easy. A truck, a doll, a playground have all acted as sparks for them. My oldest is now loving swim class but it took a few months and wasn’t a spark from the beginning.

This passed week, I donated to the high school I spent two years at to support a fundraiser. I was happy to do this because I was reminded of the sparks that school gave me at a crucial time in my life from seventeen to nineteen years old. Some small and big sparks I found there.

  • Got to pursue hockey at a high level and connected me to new friends and the college I went to.
  • Got to develop tighter relationships with teachers since they lived on campus.
  • One teacher gave me some of my favorite books today.
  • Took a current events class on the 2008 presidential election and got to write about it.
  • Developed my writing skills in classes that were challenging for me.
  • Got to be part of a tight community that I wasn’t feeling in my first high school.

This is a quick list of things that gave me a spark during my time at Lawrence Academy. I think the main gist is know your current sparks and make time for them. Find new sparks too. For parents, be patient and observe so you don’t miss when your kids have found a spark or when you can nudge them to things that might become sparks.